just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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