We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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