u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
