Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
