I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
