I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
