I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
