Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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