No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
