I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
