i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
