I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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