that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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