Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
