so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
