dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
