yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
