Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
