i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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