Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
