I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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