Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
