The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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