There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
