u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
