Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
