I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
