The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
