im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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