I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
That's how pantless uber rides happen
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