HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
