my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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