i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
