Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
