Barsexuality is the new black.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
