Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Randomize
