i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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