im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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