i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
