I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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