My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
