the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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