i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I enjoy the company of your penis
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
