Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
