Do you still have your period?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
