i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
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