I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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