i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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