How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
