We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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