Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
two words: eviction party
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
